isvarahparamahkrsnah

Ramblings of an ex-monk

brahmacari

I’m Not A Monk Anymore

isvarahparamahkrsnah

When I was young, I used to tell my mom, “I’m going to be a sannyasi one day!”

My childhood and teenage years were spent in naive worship and obedience to a bunch of worthless hypocrites.

But then I became an adult and I was exposed to a lot of information and knowledge that would otherwise have been unavailable to me.

I spent several years pursuing the dream that one day, I would become a monk.
In my mind, I considered myself one. But I was not initiated. Not because I was unqualified, but because I did not consider myself qualified.
I’ve always been honest to myself.
I could see my flaws and shortcomings.
My intelligence was not blinded by false praises and cheers.

Perhaps I was lucky.
Or maybe I’m unlucky and just don’t know it yet.
But I discovered all the dirty secrets the religious organization had been keeping from the neophytes all along.
The information is enough to fill one with disgust and contempt.

That’s why I don’t want to be a monk anymore.
I don’t want to be part of a religious organization which covers up the errors of it’s senior leaders and constantly manipulates and abuses it’s followers.

In order to be a leader, one must follow the rules set by himself.
If one cannot practice what he preaches, then he’s a hypocrite of the highest order.

There are so many ridiculous rules to keep the followers in check, yet the senior leaders constantly break the rules and make up excuses as to why they’re not following them.

And the amount of narcissism, misogyny and false ego is enough to drown humanity.
Senior leaders constantly think of themselves as some very advanced individuals and use the scriptures to justify their wrongdoings.
“He’s a self-realized soul”
and the classic “You wouldn’t understand his divine lilas because you’re not intelligent”.
These are the people who quote the scriptures that say “Women are less intelligent than men” and use that to constantly berate women and deny them of equal rights.

The concept of monks in this age is flawed because people don’t possess that purity anymore.
It’s hypocrisy. They accept what’s convenient to them and reject everything else.
People aren’t in it because it’s who they want to be, rather, they do it because it’s convenient. There are perks to the lifestyle. Some people want the fame. Others are in it for the easy access to manipulate people and get what they want.

I don’t want to be a monk because I don’t like what it’s come to represent.
It’s not one man’s doing. It’s almost everyone’s doing, except for the rare few.
And I don’t wish to be part of the rare few who’s constantly battling to justify themselves because of the scandals of others.
Instead, I shall choose to exclude myself from the entire group.

There’s no point in being part of a group where a large number of individuals are men of questionable character.

So I’m a bachelor now. I’m single. That’s it.
And I’m not doing it for religious reasons because men of religion are almost always really really bad people deep inside.

Religion is just as bad as atheism, if not worse.
Religious people are almost always just as bad as atheists.
While atheists justify their free will and freedom to do as they please, religious monks use the scriptures to justify their terrible actions.
Each one thinks they’re better than the other; but their actions show that they’re all the same.

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